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What I Wish I Knew About Grief

Many of us have watched WandaVision and I think one of the reasons it’s so popular right now is because of the very real and important look at grief it has. The deep and profound effect that loss can bring to our psyche and the way we then choose to go on and live our lives.

There certainly isn’t a wrong or right, for dealing with grief. I mean you can argue that taking over a whole town (like Wanda has) and hypnotising them to create a reality where your loved one can still be with you, is a little wrong. But I’m sure if we had the power, many of us would at the very least consider it!

But what is grief, if not love persevering?

Death isn’t something we like to talk about much. It’s something many of us fear, whether that’s loosing our own lives or others. So it's understandable that it's not a favourite topic of conversation.

I think that needs to change.

A good friend of mine once said to me “Don’t be afraid to ask me about the loss of my dad, I’m always thinking about it”. This changed so much about how I approach people that have lost a loved one. She said this because many people don’t want to bring up loss in a conversation incase they 'upset' the person, as if they have forgotten and you're reminding them. But grief is always there, you don’t ever forget and even with time, it doesn’t vanish, you just make peace with the fact that they're gone. So talking about the loss helps people feel less alone in something they are dealing with everyday. Of course, people deal with loss very differently, but assuming they don’t want to talk about it may be less helpful then asking about it and this way they have the option.

The wound from grief that we experience is so deep, so deep that it breaks through the mind, the body and exposes the soul. It breaks through the illusion that we’re invincible, that we have any kind of control and that all this “stuff” we fill our lives with, is of any significance. Like a hard slap across the face followed by a sickening punch to the stomach.

This period of time has taken so many and even if we haven’t personally lost someone we know, we know someone that has or at least felt the effect of all the loss. Either by sensing the energy of the planet or experiencing the loss of a relationship, job and/or the lives we once knew.

I keep thinking about how it’s going to feel once this all ends and one thing I know for sure is, that those of us that have lost someone during this time may have to grieve all over again. I’ll tell you why...

When we lose someone, one of the hardest things is adjusting to our ‘new lives’ without them. We adapt... We adjust...We may need to change our routines, stop certain activities, build new relationship dynamics… When this all ends, we my have to to do this all again. The nightmare of Covid may be over but the nightmare of losing the ones we love is not. When this all ends and we get our lives back, they don’t and we don’t ever get the life back that we had with them in it. We get another version, another one we again will need to adjust to...

I think it’s important we prepare ourselves for this. To help ourselves but also gain an awareness for those in our close circles that may have lost people in this time.

A spiritual practice such as Yoga can be really beneficial in these times due to the mind, body, soul connection and belief in their separateness. Personally I have found my meditation practice and belief in past and future lives very comforting.

The Sanskrit word for death, "decant,” means “the end of body” but not the end of life.

What is grief?

Grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or deep connection was formed.

From a spiritual sense, it could be looked at as a protective mechanism that we have within us, acting as a buffer against traumatic experiences that take time to come around to.

The process of grief is never linear, and may express itself through many emotions such as anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, despair.

In the West, it is commonly associated with these 7 stages:

What is important during the grieving process?

  • Grievers need to know they’re normal no matter how their grief presents itself

  • It will feel like the world has ended, but it hasn’t. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come. Slowly

  • Grief comes in waves, learn to surrender to the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling

  • Take care of yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. Ask yourself what YOU need and take one step at a time to fulfil it.

  • Try not to shut people out or cut yourself off from relationships, support is highly important and will play a big role in your healing and recovery journey, it’s ok to ask for help.

  • It’s important to go the whole way, don’t fall into the false comfort of ‘coping’, feel the pain, don’t run from it. Face it, to bring light and acceptance, otherwise the darkness can consume you.

  • In moments where “why” seems to be the only word on repeat in your mind, swap the word for, “How? How can I live life more fully to honour my loved one? How can I pay homage to their life? How can I serve better those I still have who are close to me? How can I grow and evolve because of this?

  • Allow yourself the time to fully process and heal instead of just keeping ‘busy’

  • Express your feelings in a tangible / creative way

  • Plan ahead for grief “triggers”

  • Seek professional help if you are dealing with sorrow in unhealthy ways

Grief is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve’ Earl Grollman

Where can you go for support?

If you feel you need some extra support with your grieving process you can book in for some Soul Sessions with House of Leyla for some spiritual guidance based on yogic practices. Alternatively you can reach out to the following support groups/professions.

NHS support

If you need support, you can use NHS talking therapies, like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). These are free and you can refer yourself directly.

Some local areas might have specific bereavement counselling services, but they might not be free. You can check by visiting your local council website.

Sending you all love & healing

Leyla x

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