- Jun 24, 2021
- 4 min read

The Dangers of Limiting Friendship Beliefs & How You Find Your Tribe

I remember as a child being told that I will only have a few ‘real’ friends and growing up I heard this many more times. “You can count your true friends on one hand”, “if you have 1 true friend that’s all you need” etc.

I’d like to challenge this popular thinking; I don’t agree that you can only get quality friendships from a few. I think it’s likely that the reason many people have a few quality friends is because friendships take commitment, effort and compromise like any other relationship and if you prioritise other things in your life and decide that many quality friendships are not one of them you WON’T have many quality friendships.

With anything it’s what you put your time and energy into. If you prioritise making money, then a lot of money is what you will have. If you prioritise growing your career than a life about your career is what you’ll have, (unless the universe thinks you need something else of course).

You have the choice to prioritise certain things and I decided a long time ago that relationships would be a priority of mine, that includes friendships. I must add, this doesn't mean it's an easy task. We are conditioned into thinking we need to be a part of a rat race to be 'successful' in life and it is very easy to get caught up in it all. Often it takes quite a bit of self reflection and re prioritising/un conditioning to make this manageable.

Is it worth the work? Well, YES, without a doubt. Why? Because...

“The quality of relationships determines the quality of your life”

Easter Parrell

I’d like to talk about community, a tribe, an unlimited group of people that have your back. The very thought that you can only trust a few people creates a divide where this isn't needed and in turn unhealthy pressure on your chosen few is a result of this 'lack' mindset.

We are all very different, have different strengths, habits, hobbies, and things to teach/learn. This is the beauty of this human experience. Each person has something to offer us, share with us and learn from us. Choosing to limit this due to fear of betrayal and disloyalty is a massive shame.

We change and evolve over time and those few that we decide to ‘choose’ as our ONLY friends are then responsible for ALL our friendship needs. They are expected to stay the same or change with us. We may stunt our spiritual/emotional growth to not leave them behind or worse hold them back in fear of being left behind. If these relationships then break down (which they often do), we are left feeling isolated, lonely and apply much more pressure on the other parts of our lives asking them to fulfil us.

Years ago, there were tribes in villages that had a different person with a different job and different role, and everyone knew where to go to get a particular thing. I was once in a relationship with an alcoholic, and I remember being in an Al Anon group (a supportive group for friends/family of addicts) and they said… Going to my addict to get what I need is like going to a Butcher for a loaf of bread. Well, that hit home, HARD! Not enough for me to end the relationship of course but it did plant a seed and added to my garden of self-love, surrender and loving boundaries.

What I am trying to say is that the limiting belief of only being able to have a few friends and denying ourselves of an abundance of beautiful human beings, shining bright in our lives and adding to our experience here on this planet is such a shame and, in my opinion, detrimental to a healthy and balanced life, we are social creatures, and we need each other.

With all our unique gifts, quirks, beliefs and experiences no one person is the same.There are so many wonderfully interesting people in the world, it almost saddens me that I will not have the pleasure to meet them all.

I am so very grateful to be surrounded by a beautiful tribe of people. There is a sense of peace in me when I think of friendships now. I don't expect anything of them and they don't expect anything of me. We reply when we have time, understand when we don't. We check in and show support when needed. If there is an emergency, work/money/or convince doesn't come first they do. Some friends I laugh more with, others I talk more with. Some I dance with, dream with, teach and learn from. Although all such different friendships, there is respect, compassion, understanding and flow.

I was able to find my tribe and my tribe find me by being the type of person I wanted to surround myself with and I mean that on a deeper level than personality type, hobbies etc. Those key fundamental qualities that I hold to be a standard that I hold myself up to. One of kindness, openness, non violence and non judging. Once I did this and stopped chasing the butcher for a loaf of bread the universe did the rest.